How to Get the Emotional Support You Need During a Later-Life Divorce
Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences people encounter, but it can be especially challenging when it happens later in life. Most people expect their golden years to be stable. They envision a happy retirement, enjoying the fruits of their hard work. When a gray divorce becomes the next chapter in their lives, it can feel overwhelming.
If you’re navigating a gray divorce, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Federal data shows that later-life divorce rates surged in the 2010s (the most recent data we have).
That doesn’t make the divorce less painful. It does, however, mean there are more ways to get the emotional support you need to start the next chapter of your life. Here are some tips from our experienced family law attorneys.
Take Time to Understand and Reflect on Your Feelings
A later-life divorce is challenging, but it’s challenging in different ways for different people. Take time to consider your own feelings. If you understand what you’re feeling and why, you’ll more likely be able to take effective action to get the support you need.
You could be grieving the loss of the life you envisioned together. You could feel sad that you invested time and energy into a relationship that’s now gone. You could be anxious about your future, your finances and your home now that you’re no longer part of a couple. And you could have a lot of questions for your divorce attorney.
However, not all feelings during a divorce are negative. You may also be feeling some relief. If your marriage was unhappy for years, you may feel as if a burden was lifted. This, too, is a valid feeling that’s important to acknowledge. And, of course, you may be feeling a mixture of all these emotions, and that’s okay, too.
Build a Support Network During Your Gray Divorce
No matter what you’re feeling, it’s important to build your support network. With a network, you don’t have to process everything alone, and you gain valuable insights that come with different perspectives. Here are some options to consider:
Trusted Family and Friends
Start building your support network by reaching out to people you’ve known for years. Choose people who truly have your best interests at heart. They should be people who are on your side and with whom you can always be yourself.
Professional Counseling
You may also want to consider talking with a therapist or certified professional. Years ago, therapy was considered taboo by some people. This is no longer true. Many people view it as the most effective way to maximize your potential.
There are more options for support than ever before, including chat apps and video therapy sessions. And some community groups or services may offer free counseling. Don’t hesitate to find help in a setting that works for you.
Local Divorce Support Groups
There are support groups designed to help people through divorce at any life stage. Some of these are offered through churches or community groups, and some are even offered online. They’re a great way to meet people who are going through a similar life experience, which can help you feel less alone.
New Friends Who Share Similar Interests
You may also want to find support that isn’t necessarily related to your divorce. Maybe that means taking a pottery class, joining a pickleball league or even attending a lecture series at a local college. Doing something you love can feel very healing, and finding someone to share it with can compound the energy and enthusiasm you feel.
Prioritize Self-Care and Emotional Resilience
Going through a divorce can be a challenging time. Be extra kind to yourself, almost as if you’d had major surgery. Eat well and drink enough water. Sleep enough and exercise regularly. Limit your alcohol intake. Taking care of yourself physically will also help your mental state.
Pause Big Decisions and Give Yourself Time to Process
During this time of change, it’s important to give yourself time to grieve. You’ll need to process your emotions before you move on. Instead of trying to forget what you’re going through, make the time to work through your feelings now.
If possible, limit the major decisions you’re making. You’re already going through a life change that involves many big emotional and financial decisions. This may not be the best time to move to a new city, adopt a puppy or buy yourself a fancy new car.
This doesn’t mean you should avoid making any changes, especially if those changes are ones you’ve been wanting for years. It just means you should give yourself time to make sure the changes are the right ones in the long term.
After Divorce, Invest in the Next Chapter of Your Life
Healing from a gray divorce takes time. Be patient with yourself and recognize that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. Some days, you may feel good. Other days, you may not. You might try one new experience and feel energized and empowered, then spend the next evening watching TV and feeling lonely.
As you go through each experience, think of every small step forward as a step toward that next chapter—one that you get to write on your own terms.
Going Through a Gray Divorce? Talk With a Lawyer
When you go through a later-life divorce, it’s important to have the support you need to effectively begin the next chapter of your life. At White & Associates in Elk River, our team of highly-rated family law attorneys can support you throughout your divorce journey. To get started, call us at 763-241-0744 or send us a message.
